The Minivan Chronicles

A Heart of Gratitude - 14 Day Challenge - Day 4

Day 4 – A Little Personal Time

Offer your husband the opportunity to get out by himself for a while to do whatever it is he likes to do. If your schedule doesn’t allow for him to head out today, look for a day in the next week or so that would work with both of your schedules. Pen it in.

One of the things Ben loves to do most when he's alone is have a massage. He's been working so hard lately, and periodically making comments about how stiff his back is and that he should get a massage. But he never schedules one, just keeps soldiering on, complaining periodically. So, on Wednesday, I called and scheduled him a massage for Sunday afternoon and prepaid the tip. He was so happy and surprised and appreciative when he learned what I had done. I think because I scheduled it without him asking makes him feel better about taking the time for himself. I will definitely be doing this one more often whenever I feel like he is getting run down.

 

A Heart of Gratitude - 14 Day Challenge - Day 3

Day 3 – Date Night

It’s Friday! The perfect day for a very special at-home Date Night! Spend your day picking out the entertainment (with him in mind – no chick flicks!), preparing a feast of delicious food, drink, and dessert, and turning your bedroom into a romantic love nest. Put your best sheets on the bed, remove clutter, and add candles, flowers and the like. (Oh, and one more thing: when the time comes, initiate. Wink, wink.)

Ben and I haven't been on a real date in several weeks, and we're not going to get one tonight. While I have made progress on nailing down some babysitting servies, I haven't pulled the trigger yet. Since he's been working so hard, he doesn't get much time at home with the kids, so we're going to have more of a family night tonight. However, I am going to cook a delicious dinner - balsamic chicken on a bed of wilted spinach over couscous, and I made one of his favorite desserts: banana pudding. After we put the kids to bed, hopefully we'll be able to manage a little alone time.

The best thing about each day that I've spent working on this challenge is that I am thinking of Ben positively all day each day, trying to find ways to make the day special for him. Today was no exception. I spent the morning with the kids, then went to the store, where I bought all the ingredients for our dessert, plus a water bottle for Ben for running. I took care of most of his laundry yesterday, to make sure he had his favorite jeans to wear on casual Friday, which he was very appreciative of today. When he gets home today, the house will be clean, his laundry will be done, and there will be a hot meal for him. When it's time to relax this evening, he will get to pick the movie, tv show, etc. And hopefully, the kids will cooperate with a bit earlier bed times. Fingers crossed!

A Heart of Gratitude - 14 Day Challenge - Day 2

Day 2 – Rise and Shine

Rise and shine, girls! Get up with your husband and get his day off to a cozy start. Warm his towels in the dryer while he showers; make him a hot breakfast; and if it’s cold outside turn on his car a few minutes before he has to leave so that it will be warm when he gets in. And don’t forget to give him a smokin’ hot kiss before he departs!

I had a hard time with this one today. We had a terrible night's sleep last night, due to an ill-advised attempt to put the babies to bed without swaddling and Caleb's bed wetting fiasco around 5am (Ben forgot to put a PullUp on him). As a result, I woke up a bit later than I usually do (still before Ben). I did make the effort to get the day going as well as possible, though. I packed a nice lunch for Ben with a sandwich made on bakery bread, some homemade butternut squash soup, his favorite kind of apple, and some pickles. I also made him a nice cup of coffee to go, and helped as much as I could to get Caleb ready for school. But I forgot the kiss! I will have to make it up to him.

A Heart of Gratitude - 14 Day Challenge - Day 1

I was inspired by the Betty Beguiles Heart of Gratitude Challenge, and I decided to do it along with her.

Day 1 – A Day of Prayer

Pray for your husband in a special way today. Light a candle upon rising. Each time you pass by during your day, let it be a reminder to you to lift him up in prayer. Pray, too, that God will inspire you with ways to demonstrate your gratitude to him over these next two weeks.

This morning, after my husband left for work, I lit one of the candles I bought yesterday for this purpose.  Throughout the day, I thought of him and prayed for him.  I got excited about the rest of this challenge and for the opportunity to really show him how much I appreciate how hard he's been working since his paternity leave ended. My thoughts about my husband were positive all day.

That candle also got me thinking about the rest of this challenge, and I started planning for some of the other days. Some of them will be easier for me than others, e.g. the alone time, the gift, the favorite dessert. Others will be more difficult, because it is not in my nature to be demonstrative, e.g. the coupons, the list, the love letter. I think this challenge is going to really help us reestablish our romantic relationship since having the twins. While this is not the stated goal of the challenge, I can't think of anything that would make my husband feel more appreciated than having me focus on him romantically.

Health Month Check-in Week 1

Weight lost or gained: 0

Hardest rule to follow: Go on a date.  I need to get on top of finding a babysitter or get better at getting the kids to bed early enough for an at home date.

Easiest rule to follow: No soda or energy drinks. Without being allowed to eat artificial sweetener at all, and added sugar only 2 days per week, I don't even notice this rule.

Noticeable changes: I cannot overstate how much more energy I've had this past week. I don't have my usual nearly unsuppressable urge for a nap around 2pm. I also feel trimmer and less bloated, while being more satisfied after eating.  I am snacking far less, both because I feel less hungry, but also because most of my go-to snack foods have added sugar.  I attribute almost all of the positive changes to severely cutting the amount of sugar I've been eating.

Plain and Simple: A Woman's Journey to the Amish by Sue Bender

This is the memoir of a successful working mother/artist who felt drawn to the Amish in the 1980s. Her attraction began with Amish quilts hanging in a local store, was heightened by her acquisition of several Amish dolls, and eventually led to two extended stays with Amish families. The book is arranged as a before, during, and after of the two stays. I understood so much of what she experienced, and have been experiencing some of it myself as I have changed gears from being a full-time working lawyer and mom, to being a full-time stay at home mom looking for serenity and satisfaction in my everyday life. At the end of the day, the lessons she took away seem to be to find joy in the doing of things, not just in the achievement of a final outcome or product; and simplify -- too many choices can overwhelm serenity.

I have two "aha" lines from this book.

First, "Satisfaction came from giving up wishing I was doing something else." 

This is exactly the conclusion I've been slowly reaching regarding how to be fulfilled in my new role.  Be present.  Own this choice and trust that it was the right one.

Second, "When I stopped resisting, when I stopped trying to change, when I trusted there was nothing missing inside, that I didn't have to choose between one part of me over another, I rediscovered me." 

This is so good and so relevant to me. I have compartmentalized myself so much -- savvy lawyer, sophisticated lawyer's wife, cloth-diapering quasi-hippie mom, uptight by-the-book housekeeper, and on and on. I have a hard time looking at myself and presenting myself to others as a whole. I am always too worried that if people form an opinion based on one part of me, another part will conflict with that and shock them, or change their (presumably good) opinion of me. I am unable to just present myself as I am and not worry about giving off the shorthand signals we use to classify and sort others into boxes.

On a somewhat related note, if anyone were to ask me what you should look for in a spouse, my unequivocal answer is to find someone you can be your whole self with without censorship or editing and know that they love all of you.

Bottom line: This was the book I was meant to read right now, and I will likely read it again when I am seeking a clean, easy read with some good reminders of how to find contentment in everyday life.

He Meant Up

Caleb has never been a great sleeper, but lately seems afraid of the dark and often pops out of bed and comes downstairs, sometimes right after he goes to bed, sometimes at 4am. While Ben was out of town it was particularly bad. One evening, he came down while I was watching Craig Ferguson. Rest assured, he had no idea what I was laughing at, just that it was something funny. He laughed along with me and then crowed, "Mama, that cracks me open!"

Could I have been any more goddamn Spastic?*

Ben has been out of town since Wednesday; I expect him home any time now. And not a moment too soon. I'm losing my ability to concentrate on the little things. You know, like locking the door when I leave the house. Closing the garage door when I pull out of the driveway. Bringing blankets for the babies while standing on the sidelines of a soccer game in 55 degree weather. The little things.

About Friday. Early in the day, my brother in law asked whether we needed anything from the grocery store, which we did -- bread and eggs. Then I more or less forgot about him for the rest of the day. In the afternoon, Caleb complained his ears hurt. He's had a runny, goopy nose and eyes for two days, a knowing him and how he acts when he has an ear infection, I called the pediatrician for an appointment around 2:45pm, and they told him to bring him at 3:45. Just enough time to get both babies fed and everyone ready to leave the house. We left the house right on time at 3:30, babies settled in their seats, Caleb dressed in clothes he picked out himself (why do they always pick the two things that should never go together then pair them with Crocs?!), and me with a touch of lip gloss. I was feeling good. We were at the pediatrician for quite a while, and were waiting for the results of a strep culture when my brother in law called. He asked whether Ben had returned home. I got excited for a moment, thinking Ben had been able to catch an early flight, and asked whether Ben had called to tell his brother that he was coming home early. His brother said no, but said he saw Ben's car in the garage and thought he might be there. I quickly realized that for the second time this week, I left the garage door open when I pulled out of the driveway. In addition, I left the front door unlocked earlier in the day, expecting my brother in law to stop by with the groceries at some point. Not my finest moment, and this time there was a witness. (Unlike last time, which was just last week when I did the same thing going to gymnastics!)

About today. With Ben out of town, my father in law came down to ride to Caleb's soccer game with us. I was running late since the twins don't get up until after 9:30 and the game started at 10:30. I got the twins fed, got them dressed, got everyone in the car, ran back for my jacket and a bottle of water, only to forget a jacket for Caleb and blankets for the twins. And when I got home from the game, my niece's game, then a quick trip to McDonald's, there was the garage door, hanging wide open. And the front door was unlocked from when my father in law came in earlier. I need to leave myself a note on the steering wheel or something, because this is getting out of hand!

 

*Bonus points if you know the origin of the title.

Follow Up: Tips for Taking Babies and Little Kids to the Movies

Earlier this week I wrote about taking four kids, including our 15 week old twins, to the movies last Sunday. While this may seem like an impossibly crazy idea at worst, and ill-advised at best, it worked out pretty well for us (and for the other patrons in the theater, I think). I thought I'd outline my strategy and tips in case anyone else is feeling adventurous.

1. Go when the theater is likely to be uncrowded (Sunday 11am was a good time) and when other children are likely to be in attendance (matinees for kids' movies, generally).

2. Know your baby. If you have a fussy or screamy baby, or if it's his fussy or screamy time of day, you may want to rethink the movies or be really careful about showtimes. If there's a calm period when the baby usually eats constantly or naps, that might be a good bet.

3. Have two adults, if possible. My husband was with me, which was a big help as one of us could take one or more crying baby out of the theater if necessary, while the other one stayed with the nonscreaming kids. Ditto for taking a little kid to the potty.

4. Feed the baby just prior to leaving the house and be ready and waiting with another feeding once you get settled at the theater.

5. Change the baby just prior to leaving the house. Have little kids go potty before you leave the house and/or right before you take your seats.

6. Don't get into the theater too early. Waiting until the last possible moment reduces the amount of time the little kids have to sit still and be quiet.

7. Try to sit in an uncrowded area away from other viewers, if possible, to give yourself some leeway in case the baby is noisier than you want. This didn't quite work out for us, as we were very late and the seats I chose were right behind a man and his son. They seemed really understanding, though, and our babies were pretty quiet. Caleb was louder than they were with his hilarious questions about what was going on in the movie.

8. Sit on the aisle, just in case.

9. Consider others. If your baby fusses, feed him, comfort him, shush him, and if all else fails, take him out of the theater.

10. Bring or buy snacks for the little kids. This will keep them busy and happy and quiet (full mouths!) while they're watching. I usually bring sandwich bags to dole out the popcorn from the big bag so it's easier for little hands to manage, but forgot this time. (Of course, I'm the one who knocked the popcorn over, go figure.) Also, juice boxes work better than any drink you'll get from the snack bar in the event they get dropped -- bring them in the diaper bag.

11. Many theaters provide booster seats. These are great for little ones, as they let them see over people in front of them.

12. Dress in layers and/or bring a pashmina or light blanket. Some theaters are frigid and kids may want something on their lap to keep them warm.

 

This Week in the Garden

The weather is getting cooler. The days are getting shorter.

The lettuce I sowed last Saturday is sprouting.

The turnips are filling out and peeking their bulbs out above ground.

A caterpillar found its way into my lettuce, and was quickly removed on the leaf it occupied to this windowsill, then to a jar, where Caleb and I watched it eat the leaf.

There are pumpkins (I assume) growing under blossoms.

Finally, the basil is on its last legs after contracting some sort of disease. Our pizza will not benefit from it's fresh, bright taste this week.