Enigmatic Female

Good News to go with the Bad News

Yesterday, on the anniversary of our engagement, Dallas and I trudged off to Crandall, TX, a small town outside of Dallas where Dallas' sister-in-law went to high school. Dallas' brother and sister-in-law had reserved a lot in a new housing development in this town on Saturday, as they've outgrown their current home, and are looking to be closer to sister-in-law's mother, who has offered to take care of their baby for them free of charge. Dallas and I have been casually looking for a new home for some time, as Dallas and I both wanted to live in a more rural or small town area, and our current house isn't child-friendly and we're going to try starting a family soon. We've been exploring various areas, types of homes, builders, etc. The homes in the Crandall community are on quite a bit of land, and the homes are exceptionally reasonably priced. In short, it sounded like everything we've been looking for in a new home for ourselves with the added bonus that we would be neighbors with Dallas' brother and sister-in-law, with whom I'm very close. We looked around, checked out floor plans, walked off the dimensions of various lots, and ultimately decided that we, too, would put a deposit down to hold a lot. We did not, however, reserve the lot directly next door to the in-laws. That might be a little too much family closeness. Instead, we're about 11 lots down from them, an easy walk, but not in earshot. We don't need any more details on their sex life than we already have, which is significant, as they share with us frequently (usually it's a lack thereof, rather than an abundance).  We will go back on Thursday to sign a contract and get the building underway. We expect to move sometime in June or July.

The Sadness, It Worsens

My aunt died two weeks ago. My mom and two of my aunt's friends found her in her house, convulsing, after a suicide attempt by overdosing on prescription drugs. She was rushed to the nearest hospital and stabilized, but had no brain activity by the time she arrived. She was on life support for two days before it became clear that she wouldn't recover any brain function whatsoever. I flew to Maryland to be with my family, and was there when they disconnected her respirator. We are all grieving, especially for my mother, whose loss of her sister is compounded by a feeling of responsibility for her death, as my mother thinks she should have seen it coming. She couldn't have. No one could have. We had a funeral in Maryland, and the outpouring of support from her friends, colleagues, and the mental health community was overwhelming. Her job was to serve people with chronic mental illness in the state of Maryland (she has struggled with bipolar disorder for thirty years, and for the last dozen years or more, has been working on behalf of other mental health consumers). They are feeling a devastating loss. The following weekend, we flew to North Dakota, and there was a funeral mass for our family, and she was buried there, with my grandfather, her brother, who died before I met him, and my cousin, a 16 year old girl who died last fall in a terrible car accident. Trying to make sense of all of this makes it difficult to sleep, or to think much else is important. We are pushing ahead with modest Christmas plans, but our hearts aren't in it as they usually are. The best solace right now is trusting that the pain and desperation we found reflected in her recent journals have been quieted and replaced with the peace and love she spent her life seeking.