Enigmatic Female

July 29, 2006

April 17, 2003

I hate comparing Dallas with Ex but it makes my feelings so much clearer. Dallas is smart, kind, funny, enthusiastic, thoughtful, caring, deep, funny, masculine, likes sports, drinks beer...all the qualities I've been searching for are embodied by him. I am bringing him home this weekend for Easter. It will be very interesting to see how he interacts with my family. I think he's going to fit right in. We've been doing a lot of talking lately and I think we'll be able to compromise on a lot of the issues I was worried about before. The only things I am concerned about is our religious beliefs and whether he thinks I am the right person for him. I am getting way ahead of myself, though...

Every Bit As Painful As The Swingers Answering Machine

My roommate has been accused of doing a woman wrong. On voicemail. After repeatedly trying to be transparent, he thought (against all my advice) that they could be friends, so he invited her to his birthday last night, at which 5 other girls he'd hooked up with in the past, as well as the girl he's currently dating were also in attendance. It did not go well. She left 3 messages on his voicemail last night, the longest of which has been transcribed below. Before you read this and think I'm a terrible person for making light of this, or for thinking it funny, know that I have told him this would happen for the past 6 months, as I could see this woman was not understanding a few basic truths about men and dating them. I offer this voicemail as a lesson to other women to be preceded by the following tips:

1. If you haven't met his friends, you're not his girlfriend.
2. If you haven't seen the inside of his apartment, you're not his girlfriend.
3. If he repeatedly tells you he only wants to hook up and not date, you're not his girlfriend.
4. If he only calls you when he's drunk, you're not his girlfriend.
5. If he doesn't call for 2 or more weeks each time you try to initiate relationship talks, you're not his girlfriend.

"Hey. It's J--. Um. I wasn't going to call you again but, um, I just can't sleep because I'm just so upset with you and with myself. I mean when I came tonight I really wanted to meet all your friends and get to know them. And they they were great. J and A were great; it was fun talking to E too. I was really sad that you decided you didn't want to spend any time with me. And you didn't even... aside from an initial hello... you didnt even come over to sit, even after D had left and there was room. You didn't do anything. You just spent all your time with somebody else. And when I left I realized you know, you have you hand around her waist and you had moved on. I was like...I just...I guess I didnt expect it to happen that quickly. I had wanted to...I was thinking about and had wanted to try again. because you know what? I was stupid. I was stupid and I cared so much about you. But I never could get...I mean you were saying I was being confusing, but I could never get anything out of you that you cared anything about me other than as just somebody to sleep with, and you know, you never wanted to talk, you never wanted anything. I just felt that I could never talk about how I cared about you and about how I wanted to make to try to make this work and you never wanted to talk. You would always throw off anytime I wanted to talk about our relationship, "oh you want the relationship talk again." But, I mean it's clear that you've moved on. And it's clear that you've moved on and I was stupid to think that we would ever work, because I know now how you are, and I know you're just gonna...I know I am just another stepping stone until you move onto another girl who is as stupid as me to think that you were actually able/capable of being in a loving relationship or that you could be...you know...that you could be strong enough or man enough or not afraid to tell to tell that person that you cared. Recently I wouldn't hear from you again and I thought that's just how he is, he doesnt like to talk to me that much. I was just stupid to think that was ok. I just. You know what? Uh...when I care about somebody I really care about them. And when I don't feel like I'm getting it back I knew it should've been the signal. I just can't. It's too hard right now. And I can't sleep. and you know what...<click>"

I Must Have Made Quite An Impression

Remember Eric? The guy I went out with once before he called to inform me that he was trying to make something work with this girl he'd been dating? When he initially told me this (in July, I believe; or was it August?), I was taken aback and, seeking to avoid any awkwardness, told him that if he'd found someone that he could date for two months in New York, he should go for it, and if it didn't work out, he should give me a call. He called yesterday. I was on the phone with Dallas when I got a call on the other line from a 917 number, so I clicked over to see who it was. "Um, hi, Enigmatic? You may not remember me, but this is Eric. We went out once this summer?" "Right, I remember. Can you hold on for a second?" "Yes." I clicked over and told Dallas that this guy was on the phone (he, of course, had already heard about the first round with this guy) and I asked whether he minded if I talked to him for a few minutes. He graciously said he didn't mind. I couldn't figure out how to switch calls back to Eric, and accidentally hung up on both Eric and Dallas. Not to worry, though. Eric the ever-persistent called back not 20 seconds after I dropped the call. I apologized for doing so, then he asked "Do you have time to talk? If you're in the middle of something we could talk later." I said that now was a good time, but that I wanted to know the nature of what he wanted to talk about. "Before you go any further, I should let you know that I'm seeing someone now." To which his unbelievably ballsy (and inappropriate) response was, "Well, then I guess I would ask how committed are you to that relationship?" I replied, "Oh, I'm pretty committed. Very committed actually." He said, "Well, I guess in that case, I'll let you go and stop bothering you." I have a feeling that this dude is looking to nail down a relationship ASAP and is leaving no stone unturned. I must have really made a favorable impression when I handled his news of returning to his girlfriend so calmly. That, or he is completely desperate. In either case, he retained my number these last months and clearly did not hesitate to make good use of it, which is somewhat sweet, and yet scary. Good luck to this fool.