Enigmatic Female

Stream of Consciousness: American Idol

Never before seen audition? Perhaps it would have been best to let it remain unseen.

Are Paula and Simon hittin' it? He looks at her quite a bit more. Sly-like, from the side of his eyes sometimes. They side-kissed each others' mouths last night. Definitely seems suspect.

I tried to write that there were some decent performances last night, but I really didn't like any of them, except Allison. Maybe. Weird hair, though. Adam had some moments. Jeese is good, but needs to pick better songs.

I was hoping Norman Gentle would be even more over the top than he was, but I totally dig him. He's in a category by himself. Sassypants, indeed.

Worst performance last night: Kai Kalama. I thought I would like him. I don't. His little fake sexy thing doesn't work for me. Other disappointments: Jasmine Murray, Drops of Jupiter girl. Janine. I think there was a reason she wasn't initially selected (if I've got the right person -- she came on after hottie girl got booted, right?).

Whew, Allison is wearing some Minnie Mouse looking kicks. Not a great look. Polka dots too. Yikes.

I like Welder guy better than Roughneck guy.

Tattoo girl is really really pretty. Has a good voice too. Needs better song if she gets to stay. Megan. That's her name.

Wow, I like Allison much better tonight than last night.

What the Hell is Janine wearing? Daisy Duke in suspenders.

Cara's hair doesn't look good like this. Too flat/greasy looking on top. I am not her A #1 fan. Four judges is too many.

Wow, Kris. Total upset. Didn't remember this kid at all from last night. Oh yeah, Man in the Mirror kid. He does have a nice voice and some uniqueness.

Sound quality this season is terrible. I hope they spend some more money on it once they get down to the top 10.

Seeing Simon and Paula tongue kiss gets me a little hot.

HRC -- you got 2/3 and that ain't bad.

A Job, A House, A Baby, A Promotion, A Life?

In that order. It's been a while. After months of unemployment, admission to the Texas Bar, a funeral or two, starting a new job, moving to a new town, attending the wedding of my younger sister, a new job for the husband, getting pregnant, having the baby, taking a few months off work, going back to work, getting a promotion, I am finally returning to writing now that life has stabilized somewhat. What has it stabilized into? Well, I'm still not considering myself a Texan, which is a plus. But, speaking of plus (sized), living in Texas has put a few pounds of melted cheese and beef onto my ass, which I am halfheartedly working to lose. Anyone else doing the 30 day Shred? Everyone? OK, I am a bit behind on the trends these days. Life is different. One drink and I'm well on my way to drunk. A successful night out at a "nice" restaurant probably involves Red Lobster. If we're really doing well, it'll be the Red Lobster near the airport. That's where I cruise nearby tables for gay men. The gay men, though, are not like the slim hotties I knew in NYC. They are puffy like rising dough and the pasty-white color of only the most dedicated basement-dwelling web-surfers; usually living with either mom or grandma, and wearing clothes that are better suited to playing softball at a company picnic than going on a date (think elastic waistband shorts and flip flops). I watch more TV than ever before; American Idol, How I Met Your Mother, anything starring the Duggars, and The Biggest Loser top my list. I try to avoid the trap of dramatic shows like Big Love as I just get way too involved with the characters. Loser much? 

Gainful Employment

I got me a j-o-b. Today I accepted a position with a college here in the Dallas area, and am quite excited by it. No billable hours, no partners, but sadly, no bonuses. I have been trying to decide between three positions that are so different from each other, it was like vetting the benefits of getting a new cat, an iguana, and a chicken. Each has its benefits, but at the end of the day you'd rather cuddle up with a cat, even if you'd really rather have a dog, because while they're not as exotic as an iguana, and not as economically beneficial as a chicken, they're comfortable and they're independent. This job also offers teaching potential and free tuition for any classes I, or any of my dependents, might want to take. Yay more education! And the hours, oh the hours. One of the positions I was looking at (the chicken) required me to be present in an office 2500 hours per year at a minimum. Another position (the iguana) would require travel, possibly to handle a trial in Guam, but featured some not so great benefits, like an emotionally draining boss who essentially told me at our first interview that he didn't know what the point would be in hiring me, he knew I would leave him. The cat position, on the other hand, requires that I be in the office about 2000 hours per year and there are no billable hours. Sweet! Plus there are good benefits, like great healthcare and retirement, a beautiful office, and great coworkers (the person in charge of the office looks like Jenna Elfman in 15 years -- love that!). The commute is longer than I'd prefer, but it's a small price to pay. The flexibility of this job, and my new laid back boss, make it great for making babies, especially as Dallas is going to take a very hours intensive job starting in late August. My first quasi-day is Friday, as I want to get settled into my new office, and I start for real for real on Monday. Yay!

Good News to go with the Bad News

Yesterday, on the anniversary of our engagement, Dallas and I trudged off to Crandall, TX, a small town outside of Dallas where Dallas' sister-in-law went to high school. Dallas' brother and sister-in-law had reserved a lot in a new housing development in this town on Saturday, as they've outgrown their current home, and are looking to be closer to sister-in-law's mother, who has offered to take care of their baby for them free of charge. Dallas and I have been casually looking for a new home for some time, as Dallas and I both wanted to live in a more rural or small town area, and our current house isn't child-friendly and we're going to try starting a family soon. We've been exploring various areas, types of homes, builders, etc. The homes in the Crandall community are on quite a bit of land, and the homes are exceptionally reasonably priced. In short, it sounded like everything we've been looking for in a new home for ourselves with the added bonus that we would be neighbors with Dallas' brother and sister-in-law, with whom I'm very close. We looked around, checked out floor plans, walked off the dimensions of various lots, and ultimately decided that we, too, would put a deposit down to hold a lot. We did not, however, reserve the lot directly next door to the in-laws. That might be a little too much family closeness. Instead, we're about 11 lots down from them, an easy walk, but not in earshot. We don't need any more details on their sex life than we already have, which is significant, as they share with us frequently (usually it's a lack thereof, rather than an abundance).  We will go back on Thursday to sign a contract and get the building underway. We expect to move sometime in June or July.

The Sadness, It Worsens

My aunt died two weeks ago. My mom and two of my aunt's friends found her in her house, convulsing, after a suicide attempt by overdosing on prescription drugs. She was rushed to the nearest hospital and stabilized, but had no brain activity by the time she arrived. She was on life support for two days before it became clear that she wouldn't recover any brain function whatsoever. I flew to Maryland to be with my family, and was there when they disconnected her respirator. We are all grieving, especially for my mother, whose loss of her sister is compounded by a feeling of responsibility for her death, as my mother thinks she should have seen it coming. She couldn't have. No one could have. We had a funeral in Maryland, and the outpouring of support from her friends, colleagues, and the mental health community was overwhelming. Her job was to serve people with chronic mental illness in the state of Maryland (she has struggled with bipolar disorder for thirty years, and for the last dozen years or more, has been working on behalf of other mental health consumers). They are feeling a devastating loss. The following weekend, we flew to North Dakota, and there was a funeral mass for our family, and she was buried there, with my grandfather, her brother, who died before I met him, and my cousin, a 16 year old girl who died last fall in a terrible car accident. Trying to make sense of all of this makes it difficult to sleep, or to think much else is important. We are pushing ahead with modest Christmas plans, but our hearts aren't in it as they usually are. The best solace right now is trusting that the pain and desperation we found reflected in her recent journals have been quieted and replaced with the peace and love she spent her life seeking.